The Lacona Celebration 2022, Bigfoot, Zombies, the Madonna-Whore Dichotomy, and More

"Episode" two

Last week I wrote about my August 17 visit to one of our local small town celebrations: The Lacona Celebration 2022, Eight Man Football, Small Town Girls, and Identity--Episode one. This is the second “episode,” and there will be a third. The Lacona Celebration brings people together, serves as a fundraiser, and provides a window into values and rural identity. The theme this year was “Wild, Wild, West.” In the next “episode” I unpack more about rural identities and the values that most of us, city and country folk alike, share. I wrote about those values here, and earlier versions of that message have run in the Des Moines Register and The New York Times.

There’s much to see driving across the countryside on a route you haven’t been on in a while. As I drove to Lacona that Saturday morning, I spotted the barn above painted with an American flag west of Marysville and south of Attica. 

After I took the barn photo, I noticed that this Bigfoot family had come out of the timber behind me. I told them I was going to the Lacona Celebration and asked if they wanted to come along. “No, but thanks,” the mom said, “We’re heading to Chariton to meet kin from Missouri for supper, and that’s the wrong direction.” “Have fun!” I said as I watched them head south at a speedy clip.

I’ve been to the Lacona Community Center many times. Once I came for a town hall meeting with Democratic Congresswoman Cindy Axne. Axne was born a Wadle, and the Wadle name is common in the area. When someone you don’t recognize says they are a Wadle, you immediately engage in a quick genealogical conversation to figure out which Wadle branch they belong to. Axne is from the nearby Milo branch.

There were signs for a quilt exhibit at the community center and a vendor fair, so I went in to check it out. My Mom and Grandma were quilters, and I appreciate the craft. There were maybe 15 quilts, with many of them having patriotic themes. I learned that these were Quilts of Valor to be given to Veterans later in the day. Sitting with my Mom with her quilter friends when I was a boy taught me how vital these friendship groups are for women. I don’t know any men who quilt.

I forced myself to talk to the vendors who were selling various handmade crafts. I’m always embarrassed when I don’t buy anything from vendors. I’m afraid they think I don’t like what they are selling when I just don’t want it. But these women had seen my kind before. They knew I wouldn’t buy anything when I walked through the door but were happy to engage in small talk for a few minutes. There was a lot of politeness going around.

I watched people play the “Dime Game,” where you could toss in dimes or any other coins, and if your coin landed in a cup, glass, bowl, or saucer, you got to take it home. I tossed in what little change I had, being sure to miss. The last thing we need are more cups, glasses, bowls, or saucers to cram into the cupboards. They are so full they don’t close now!

The woman’s blue shirt across from me says, “Be Kind to Everyone.” Indeed.

The kids always love the inflatables.

I was reassured when I saw we had a Zombie Response Team ready to go if needed.

I heard a band start to play, so I checked it out.

The lead singer looked into the crowd of people sitting in lawn chairs and said, “This is for all you ladies out there.”

I started recording in time, so please, have a listen.

If I Ever Need a Lady, I’ll Call You.

You don't smoke, and you don't swear

You wouldn't do wrong on a dare

And a girl like you can't chase away my blues

Cause I'm out fighting loneliness

Dating girls I know will kiss

But if I ever need a lady, I'll call you

You drink coke, and I drink wine

You don't stay out after nine

And that's when I'm getting up to lace my shoes

So don't cry when you see painted women out with me

Cause if I ever need a lady, I'll call you

Look inside your sweet heart

Yours is pure where mine is dark

And an angel is the one thing I can't use

I need girls of the night all aglow with neon lights

But if I ever need a lady, I'll call you

The song was written by country singer and songwriter Claude Gray and was first recorded in 1967.

Songs reflect and reinforce our realities, and this simple tune perfectly describes the Madonna-Whore Dichotomy. 

Quoting the authors above, “The Madonna-Whore Dichotomy (MWD) denotes polarized perceptions of women in general as either “good,” chaste, and pure Madonnas or as “bad,” promiscuous, and seductive whores. …feminist theory suggests the MWD stems from a desire to reinforce patriarchy.”

The authors continue that beyond reinforcing the patriarchy, it reflects preferences for hierarchical social structures, a desire to maintain the existing gender system, sexist attitudes, the sexual objectification of women, and sexual double standards. “MWD not only links to attitudes that restrict women’s autonomy, but also impairs men’s most intimate relationships with women.”

The song, in particular, also reflects and reinforces male power and creates a permission structure for irresponsibility. It also denies women agency -- “When I Need a Woman, I’ll Call You” -- and the attitude has led to violence.

Believe it or not, at age 90, Claude Gray is still on tour, at times performing in Branson, Missouri, and as a guest on RFD-TV. And I bet he still sings, “If I Ever Need a Lady, I’ll Call You.”

I had to take a photo of this to go with this piece when I saw it on an SUV in Knoxville the other day.

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